A letter to 2003 Richard

On 17th Sept 2003 I was ordained deacon. To mark the 20th anniversary of being ordained, I’ve written that young deacon a letter. A reflection of what I wish I’d known then about ordained ministry.

Dear just-ordained Richard,

I think I want to offer Congratulations! 

I know, how you prepared for, prayed for, worked for and wondered about how this moment would work out.  You have just reached a key marker in the journey of following wherever God takes you, this is a big moment in your story.  ‘Congratulations’ is a very British word, this is a beautiful moment, and some celebration of this moment is fitting, but don’t see this as an achievement.  You’ve been carried, supported, encouraged and guided to this point.  This isn’t something you’ve earned through great skills or talent, but simply by offering yourself to God.  Wearing that dog collar and those floaty robes feels odd right now and it always will, because the life you’ve just started isn’t one of status, it’s one of service.  (& I know despite all those buttons, those robes fit surprisingly well physically, but they never will emotionally.  Don’t worry, you won’t be wearing them very often)

The years to come will take you to new places, new communities, new opportunities.  Don’t get anxious about the jobs, the positions, the roles, God sorts that out.  Just stay obedient to serve him and those he calls you to and leave the where and what role to him.  What matters isn’t the job titles or even the geography, what matters is the people you will do life with, the people you are called to love and serve.  This new role will give you the privilege of meeting hundreds of them, they are what make this ordained life you’ve just started the most wonderful job in the world.  You will make some amazing friends in the coming years. 

Don’t become enamoured of the institution, it is a vast bureaucratic, complicated mis-match of different theologies, values and opinions.  Shaped, adapted, morphed through 500 years of history and re-shaped by multiple movements of powerful rhetoric, wings and factions, each generation will have its own priorities.  It’s an institution, and like all human institutions it is flawed, broken and it will baffle and frustrate you in the years ahead. It has structures, rules, governance, money, assets, and all sorts of weird culture and jargon.  It will disappoint, confuse and at times chew up and spit out people you love.  The best bits of it will also surprise and delight you.  Don’t hate it or attack it or slander it, you’re part of it and it’s full of people like you, wanting to know Jesus.  Don’t get too cross with the ones who are more interested in Christendom that the Kingdom, it’s not worth the angst.  Don’t let it shape you or mould you into someone God didn’t make you to be.  God is going to teach you a lot about hollow religion in the next ten years, enjoy that, you’ll find it fascinating.  Keep the focus on Jesus, his kingdom and those people where you see the Spirit at work. 

You’re going to take a lot of funerals, plenty of baptisms and a few weddings in the next few years.  These are all beautiful moments, never stop counting it a privilege to serve people and be close to them in their most significant moments in life.  Do this with love, kindness and grace, when you pray for people, God hears.  And whilst right now I know how nervous you are about funerals, they will actually become an amazing gift to you.  You’ll hear stories of all the best things about people, stories of decades of loving marriages, children’s lives shaped by loving parents, friends saying things in public they were too British to say in private.  At every one, you’ll have the chance to point people to eternity and the wonderful truth that Jesus has beaten death and invites us to follow him for eternity.  Never lose the wonder of that.

Today you’ve committed your life to serving.  There are going to be a lot of emails, meetings, hours at a screen, there will be policy documents, safeguarding training, accounts and so many rotas.  In 13 years time, WhatsApp will come into your life, take over and try to dominate it – don’t let it.  You’re going to move a lot of chairs, wash a lot of mugs and pick up so many pieces of paper.  All of that is part of serving, it has to be done, to make the glorious moments of God’s people gathered to encounter him possible.  Service is more than just the practical hard work, it’s a heart attitude, a choice to life to help, to put others first, to do what you can to help them discover the truth and presence of God.  

You’re really good at teaching, you don’t know that yet, but it’s a gift God has given you.  He’s given it to you, not for you, but to build up, direct and serve people.  Read lots, ponder lots, find good people to learn from and with, enjoy the hours you’re going to spend mind-mapping, they’re actually part of what you’re called to.  Keep on loving the Bible, God is going to use you to help lots of people understand it better, don’t run away from that.

Avoid narcissists and deal with the narcissism in you.  Don’t compare yourself with the super-gifted, super-skilled, slick heroes who grow amazing churches fast and who’s stories are always more exciting than yours.  If it sounds much more exciting than everyone else’s life, then it’s possibly just hype.  Give them a bit of a wide berth, your best friends will be humble authentic people. 

The world is going on a bit of a bumpy ride in the next couple of decades.  You’re going to need some deep roots of hope.  Keep worshipping.

God has four gifts for you in the next seven years.  They matter much more than all the public work stuff, don’t let it rob you of time with them.  You’re going to love them more than you can possibly imagine, they will completely steal your heart, they’re amazing.

And Nells.  You have no idea what a gift it was that you fell in love with her.  She is the best, you are so blessed to spend the rest of your life with her.  She will keep you loving people when you run out of love, she is God’s primary source of wisdom into your life.  She will hear God speak in ways that you need to hear.  Keep on thanking God for her, every time you do, you heart will jump and you’ll be more rooted in joy.

So here you are, wearing that silly collar for the first time. It doesn’t define you, but it is the life you’re called to.  God has given you a purpose, don’t run away from it, your life is about serving others now.  Don’t let guilt, or duty, or comparison or perfectionism rob you of the joy of a life spent loving people and seeing God at work in them.

Enjoy it!